Pop Culture Gadabout
Friday, January 16, 2009
      ( 1/16/2009 10:05:00 PM ) Bill S.  

"WE ALL HAVE OUR SECRETS." Fred Olen Ray is a busy guy. In addition to his work creating low-budget horror movies like the inimitable Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Evil Toons -- and wrestling under the nom-du-ring of Freddie Valentine -- Ray is a prolific creator of equally cheap soft-core skin flicks under the name of Nicholas Medina. Regularly stuffed into the late hours of movie cable channels, Medina's oeuvre is typified by the DVD version of Voodoo Dollz (Retromedia), an eighty-minute series of hot girl-on-girl sex scenes held together by the sketchiest of plots.

The movie concerns a buxom "schoolgirl" named Christina (Christine Nguyen), who is kicked out of the Collinsport School for Girls after being caught in flagrante with a flat-chested classmate by the school's headmistress. "In all my years at this school," the outraged headmistress (a too-briefly-seen Michelle Bauer) states, "I've only seen something like this thirty or forty times!" Because she's "untouched by the hands of men," Christina gets shunted off to the Dunwich School for Girls where she's assigned a room with a neophyte voodoo practitioner Maria (Charlie Laine).

Roomie Maria is in serious lust with the all-girl school's "only guy for miles around," studly gardener Jeff (Alexandre Voisvert a.k.a. Voodoo). But she has two rivals in blond bimbettes Jilly and Sandra (Beverly Lynne and Nichole Sheridan). Utilizing a mime-faced voodoo doll, snippy Maria regularly arouses the latter without ever letting her achieve full orgasm. Fortunately for the enthralled Sandra, Christina shows up to help the poor girl.

Medina/Ray also tosses in a miniscule bit of plot concerning Dunwich schoolmistress Miss Dambahla (Monique Parent) and her shapely henchwoman Miss Santana (Hawaiian adult film queen Syren), who have plans to sacrifice our "bad girl" heroine to a voodoo deity whose name I couldn't quite catch. This leads to a thrill-free climax with "virgin" Christina tied to a cross in the school's basement/dungeon and the otherwise useless Fred showing up to rescue her. The movie concludes with one of the least convincing conflagrations in low-budget history.

But, really, you don't come to a flick like this expecting anything more than what it offers: lots of scenes of pretend schoolgirls doffing their uniforms and writhing together on-camera to a waka-waka guitar. "Older" thespians Parent and Syren get their own steamy pretend sex scene, and there's also a prolonged shower sequence where Miss Santana makes like the lads from Porky's and peeps on a slickly lathered Christina. But the primary focus remains on them naughty schoolgirls -- which is as it should be. "We're all outcasts," Maria tells Christina when they first meet. "You know: the girls nobody wants." Judging from the extensive adult film resume that each one of these ladies brings to this picture, you know that statement ain't true.


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Pop cultural criticism - plus the occasional egocentric socio/political commentary by Bill Sherman (popculturegadabout AT yahoo.com).

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